Myth #1: People Who Live Child-Free Are Selfish!
Truthfully: YES, some of us are totally selfish! Just like some parents are totally selfish. Just like some children are selfish. Just like some Christians are selfish. Just like some Jews/Atheists/Black People/Mexicans/Brits/Germans are selfish. You gettin' where I'm goin' yet? I sure hope you are. People are selfish for many, many reasons and are from many, many walks of life. My deciding to NOT breed/procreate/pop out a human is not why I'm selfish. In fact - my selfishness is a great reason for me to NEVER have children. It's the cause, not the byproduct. I am selfish in a shit ton of ways. Let's take a look at said reasons, shall we?
- I'm an insomniac and prefer to follow MY sleep schedule than anyone else's! This includes my fiancé's!
- Since helping to raise 4 nephews - I DO NOT EVER WANT TO DO IT AGAIN. I have better things to do. I quickly realized that some people need to have kids to make them better humans, I am not one of those people. I've "been there, done that."
- I want to be able to travel on a whim.
- I can't stand people invading my private time. My private time is MY private time. If a kid was banging on my door fifty times a day, I'd be super shitty.
- I don't like to cater to anyone else. I cater to myself.
- My fiancé and his special needs is more than enough "caring for" for my tastes. He has Sensory Processing Disorder and Bipolar Disorder. I am not going to give up the rest of my freedom to an infant.
- I love to drink margarita's at any time of day. When you have kids, drinking is primarily looked down upon in general. Let alone a blueberry margarita at 10am. Fuck. That.
- I like to party/hang out with my friends. Drinking, hanging out until all hours of the day or night, dinner parties, clubs, etc.
- I have Mental Illness issues. I would never plop out a human due to the chances of him/her having Bipolar Disorder. Not ever.
Truthfully: My life is not empty at all! My life was emptier when I had four nephews living with me than any other time in my life. They themselves didn't make my life empty - on the contrary they made my life quite luminous and lovely at times. It was their constant needs that made my life empty. I had no time for anyone or anything else in my life. Now, granted, part of my life was empty because I had depression so badly and chronic feelings of emptiness comes with that. However, when you have no life, no time for yourself or friends, no identity - you become very vacant, indeed. I became a mindless drone to the needs and wants of my nephews. I had no choice.
(DISCLAIMER: I do not blame them for being needy. They are children and children do that. I blame their parents, fully, completely, and wholeheartedly. One was a crack addict and one was an alcoholic with a history of abusive behavior. Bringing one child into the world would have been selfish for them - but four? ... that's cruelty.)
But I digress! My life is far richer, fuller and more luminous than the days when I had children. You know why? It's because I control my own life, now. (I told you I was selfish) It's no longer controlled by the needs of another human. I get up when my body says, go to bed when my body says, make breakfast if I feel like it, put off doing the washing up if I don't, I go to the gym, go to see friends', go to movies, the museum, take photographs of a particularly gorgeous sunset, dance in the rain and most of all - LOVE my fiancé to death. I am so happy with him it's insane. He is my best friend and I love it. I cannot wait to marry him soon.
Myth #3: People Who Are Child-Free Have A Carefree Life!
Truthfully: WRONG. I have a fiancé whom I adore and like to spend time with, a mother who has had a nervous breakdown from raising four kids, a dad with all sorts of health problems, elderly grandparents who like to see me, friends with their own sets of wants from me, other family who have expectations of me, chores to get done, errands to run and general living to do. The only thing that makes me more carefree than when I had kids around is that there ARE NO kids around. I have plenty of cares in this world. I just don't have kids in tow. I really don't have much to say about this one because, duh, it's a stupid notion.
Myth #4: Women Who Are Child-Free Constantly Dream of Having Babies!
Truthfully: This HAS to be the deluded notion of some SAHM who drinks far too much wine! I have raised four kids for almost ten years. Four kids times ten years is forty years. I have raised a human if not two (depending on how you split the years) for an entire lifetime. What the actual fuck?
I dream of going to France and seeing the Eiffel Tower, going to Italy once I've mastered the language, visiting Japan and seeing Cherry Blossoms in the Spring, learning multiple languages, vacationing with my fiancé, enjoying sunsets and bottles of wine with friends, having enough time to relax and soak in bubble baths, reading a million books and writing a few myself, buying a new home and decorating it to MY tastes and not the needs of an infant, buying a new car and never having to worry that vomit or dirty shoes will stain it, having as many cats as I want and just generally LIVING. Nowhere in all of my dreams do children come into play.
Some women, like my best friend, are cut out for children. It is literally ALL they have wanted to do. She wanted a career, a husband (which she'll have soon) and three or four kids. That's pretty much it. She wanted the whole shebang, 100%. She babysat kids for years, loved every minute of it and decided it needed to be part of her life. I was never that way. I am the "cool" aunt.
I am the person you can call up at a moment's notice, saying "Hey, my friend is in the hospital, can I leave the kids with you for a few hours while I go visiting?" and I say, "Sure, I'll bring popcorn over and some videos!" THAT is who I am. Not the boring, ol' mom. I am the free-living relative/friend/etc. that your kids will really love and I will really love them back. I enjoy giving money to Feed the Children. I do not enjoy the thought of having my own children, I enjoy the thought of helping the world with the massive amounts of children that are already present. With all of the broken, needy, starving, homeless children out there - it would be ultimately selfish of me to produce more children when I have so many things I could do instead. But that is just MY point of view. I do not dream of babies. I dream of changing the world.
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